My last lecture

I really should be heading off to department to get a computational project done, but I have just written two sections of my report and suddenly have the inspiration to write something here. It felt slightly surreal before I went to bed last night that my undergraduate education is only lacking a large number of daunting tripos papers and a few reports before it is over.

I have also just realised that this blog has been largely neglected over the past year, largely due to the slight change in lifestyle and direction of thought vocalization (=P) over the past year.

It was a real pleasure to have my last undergraduate lecture delivered by Dr John Dennis, someone I hold a lot of respect for after coming to better acquaintances this year. Furthermore, he was lecturing on the topic of transport biofuels from algae, a topic that I have been reading with great fervour over the past few days and one that I have led me to spend a significant number of afternoons and early mornings dabbing around in green biomass and highly toxic chemicals. At the end of the lecture, I had one realisation, that I felt capable to questioning what he has presented on the slides. I had the ability to see how his presentation fits into the context of my knowledge and how my findings fit into his. I found this experience interesting and after giving it some thought and discussion over lunch with a friend, I came to the conclusion that before knowing a topic to a certain depth, one can not appreciate how beautiful things are, or how big a can of worms one will find. That sums up what learning is to me - and why learning is enjoyable.

There is a certain 'last year syndrome' going around the place these days. We were lamenting over how much we've 'grown' during the Chemical Engineering Annual Dinner, how we now tackle problems by asking ourselves how we should do it rather than 'oh no, what are supposed to do'. And that the speech by the Shell dude was nothing more than a corporate stunt on sustainability and nonsense.

What i've come to realise lately is that 4 years ago, I didn't have that much of an interest in newspaper articles and what is going on in the world. The world meant 'outside Brunei' and I've always wanted to see it (not in as a tourist) but didn't quite know what that meant either.

There were times this year where I felt like I'm having an explosion of ideas - in a good way. With jc feeding me with interesting stuff she's learning over at the other Cambridge, myself crawling through issues presented in the newspapers, listening to inspiring online talks such as www.ted.com, reading books obtained from trying to finish my book tokens and let's not forget the usual banter and 'discussion' that goes on during gatherings with friends. Sometimes, I feel that it's not a matter of how much information you're getting, but also how receptive you are to such stimuli. The age-old joke is of course the more you know, the more you realise how much more you don't know/want to know. I am pretty sure such things built up over the years, but I think it has been particularly pronounced this year, maybe intensified by the 'last year syndrome' in certain ways.

When in Cambridge, where stress level can only peak to the climax from now onwards, I think it helps to take a step back and realise how much a joy it is to be studying, learning, acquiring and processing knowledge. (lol, i can't help but feel that this feels like plagiarism [inside joke]) Wish me all the best for the next 2+ months - the final stretch of this leg of life.

Just something to share, I found came across this poem by George Moriarty that was recited by John Wooden. It's title is kinda sentimental to this context and there are particular lines that I think are really meaningful. =) Till next time then.

On the road ahead or the road behind

Sometimes I think the fates must grin as we denounce them and insist,

The only reason we can’t win is the fates themselves have missed.

Yet, there lives on the ancient claim – we win or lose within ourselves,

The shining trophies on our shelves can never win tomorrow’s game.

So you and I know deeper down there is a chance to win the crown,

But when we fail to give our best, we simply haven’t met the test

Of giving all and saving none until the game is really won.

Of showing what is meant by grit, of fighting on when others quit,

Of playing through not letting up, it’s bearing down that wins the cup.

Of taking it and taking more until we gain the winning score,

Of dreaming there’s a goal ahead, of hoping when our dreams are dead,

Of praying when our hopes have fled.

Yet, losing, not afraid to fall,

If bravely we have given all, for who can ask more of a man than giving all, it seems to me, is not so far from – Victory.

And so the fates are seldom wrong, no matter how they twist and wind,

It’s you and I who make our fates, we open up or close the gates,

On the Road Ahead or the Road Behind.

George Moriarty